Custard Creme Thief and White Board Vandal.

I didn’t post anything yesterday because I thought the alcohol in my system would greatly prohibit my ability to write. On the other hand, I now like sambuca.

I got home after alcohol consumption and tried to get an early night. Unfortunately, flatmates, even drunker than me, stumbled home right as I was going to sleep and banged on my door.

It was a mistake to let them in.

I was in my boxers, holding up my duvet for protection, when they swarmed into the room, fanning out to surround me. Dom’s first instinct was to go for the custard cremes, shoving several into his mouth, then he attempted to draw a penis on my whiteboard (pictured above). Upon my accusations of custard creme thievery, he fled the room with laughter. I returned to bed, whereupon Eleanor, another drunk flatmate, stole my duvet. I covered myself up with a blanket, then she stole the blanket. This led to raucous cheers of ‘Toms naked! Toms naked”. Which I wasn’t. Despite my protesting that boxers counted as clothes the chanting continued. Memory, another drunk flatmate, began to take a snapchat of the aforementioned mostly nude me, so I took her phone and deleted it with ninja-like skill despite my insobriety (at least while drunk it felt that way). I put on my dressing gown and ventured off to find my duvet and blanket.

I found my blanket and duvet in the kitchen, sadly upon grabbing it I also found a drunk and asleep flatmate inside. After trying to wake him and take back my bedding, Eleanor protested that I must not wake Luke. Her shouting thankfully woke Luke who returned my bedding. I went back to bed, after denying pleading by Memory to order food with her at 2:30 in the morning.

Shortly after arriving in bed, in came Memory and Luke telling me they were going to wait in my room for their food to arrive. Luke jumped on the bed and cuddled straight up to my leg straight asleep. Shortly after another flatmate returned from elsewhere drunk, and asked to join the ‘party’ in my room. He too collapsed next to Luke on the other side of my leg. He tried to tell us about the party but memory interrupted him and said no one cares. Then proceeded to tell us how pretty she was and how everyone at the party had complimented her nice cheekbones. After 40 minutes of this food arrived and Luke woke up, surprised that it had arrived instantly after being ordered. I wish I could just sleep sometimes to speed things up. After he got I could no longer feel my leg.

Memory started eating her kebab and Luke left with his food. Once she could eat no more I stole some kebab and greedily ate it. My other flatmate begged me for some, but I told him he couldn’t have any because there was only one fork (brilliant reasoning). Eventually, I stopped stuffing my face and relented giving him some, no longer being able to resist his sad puppy dog eyes.

Everyone left around 4:00, and I tried to sleep.

My flatmates are great and I am very lucky, but a bit annoying when drunk though. I turned over in my sleep and was confronted by something slimy on my leg; mayonnaise covered lettuce from the kebab. Dammit Callum, I knew I shouldn’t have given you any. After removing the offensive lettuce, I searched my bed for more, finding none I eventually fell asleep.

Overall it was a good day, I think. Post midnight events distorting my memory somewhat.

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